worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
