Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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