I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
someone owes me an orgasm
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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