Please, let me fuck your mom
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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