I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize