Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
