Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
