Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
operation have a gay friend backfired
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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