Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
