if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You have to summon your inner elephant
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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