The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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