Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
