When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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