Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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