I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
