this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
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