I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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