Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
