i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
