Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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