so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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