I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
third nipple confirmed
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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