She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
