I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
either way he was missing a nipple.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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