girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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