im six kinds of drunk right now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
