I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
