Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
