You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
