Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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