I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
