So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
