Whod you bang
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
