he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
