It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
