I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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