Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
