YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
