You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm passing your future prison.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
