For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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