i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How naked do you want me to be?
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