I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
