I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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