bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
