I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
