what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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