Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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