It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
