Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
