As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
