Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
