i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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