Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize