NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
