Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
