Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
