she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
