i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
