I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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