I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
