I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
