you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
