Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize