Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
