so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize