Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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