i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
