were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
