I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
