woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
