you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
