just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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