you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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