U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize