he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
