shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
