My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
